She t o l d me to

So yeah, I haven't been able to get on lately and blog or anything. Been busy setting up my college schedule, shopping for some clothes, saying goodbye to friends, and well, the usual. You know. Anyways, schools in about a week and I can say now that I'm very nervous about what is in store for me. Honestly I wasn't planning on posting anything here but Sana text me and asked for me to do so, and so I did. Don't have much to say, don't have much energy to type, and yeah.

P.S. Last Song is a good movie.
P.S.S Maroon 5's Misery song is good, the MV is even better. Funny.

So yeah, I suppose this is goodbye, until someone else forces me to post something here and vent about what has been happening to me. Yet something tells me it will be Sana. Gee, can't wait to see her. Bye lovely.

M i s c o n c e p t i o n

The biggest misconception about me, is that I'm your average girl. One look at me, and people think I'm mean and that I'm rude, and even that I'm a whore. But let me tell you, those are lies. Looking at me just once wont tell you who I am, looking at me twice wont accomplish anything either. I play video games, I like Final Fantasy, and adore Kingdom Hearts. I love racing games, but don't know shit about cars. I enjoy things other people don't. I like listening to rock music, and rap makes me gag. I love to dance, and I enjoy singing while I'm in the shower or driving in my car. I hate shopping in the mall, and my mom does most of my shopping. I don't like plain colors, instead I like to color my nails bright green, or bright pink! I want to have a different colored hair! I love going camping, and yet I fear bugs. I like to play basketball, swim, and run, even though I'm not great at it. I used to like playing with Yu-Gi-Oh cards when they were the thing back in the day. I like silly bands, and I still watch Dora with my little brother to improve my Spanish skills, it is a big help! I always want to be skinner, but I admit I'm not ugly nor am I fat, just a little chubby. I can't be sexy, but I can be cute. I'm shy around guys who admit they like me, so don't tell me you like me. I like to roleplay sometimes, when I'm in the mood. I still play Pokemon games when I'm bored, and I love animals. Cats are my favorites, but I want a dog as well. I want to go skydiving, and I want to go bungee-jumping and scuba diving and cliff diving. I want to live a romantic fairy tale I watch in movies. I like driving fast, I like the thrill it gives me. I want to go travel the world and take pictures with the seven wonders of the world. I like to walk in the jungle and woods at nights with a flashlight, telling scary stories with my friends. I like walking around the block with my sister, and I like hitting the gym with my ipod. I work at ihop and about to start college.

You see, I'm not average at all. I may be a little weird, but not a bit average.

My s i s t e r

I wish you were my sister, not that I hate my sister, but I wouldn't mind having another to call my own and beat on them (j/k). But before I say anything, I want to tell you something, I love you and I want to thank you for introducing me to Sana Ali - who has become one of my closest friends. But enough of that girl! This isn't about her, but instead it is of you. And no, I didn't post your own post last because I hated you, but because you were the most important. Because I needed to collect my thoughts, I needed to think of memories, I needed to edit this beautiful picture of you I found. It shows everyone the same smile you shower me in, the same friendliness you wrap everyone you meet in. Did I mention I love your cute curly hair. I wish I could look so good in short hair, but sadly I don't. It's OK, I'll stick to the long you stick to the short.

Anyways, let us continue our grand talk about nobody other then you. Here is a memory I will always remember - one day I was at your house and we were playing some video game on the Nintendo. I think it was Pokemon, but then again who gives a damn? So yeah, we got into an argument during the game and suddenly you threw the controller at me and it hit me in the knee, and you made me bleed. (/Gasp) Yes, you made me bleed so feel guilty. I ran away then, in someone's bedroom, and hid in the closet, crying, and muttering about how much I hated you. But one hug from you, (the same person who abused me) made me feel happy again.

I can't stay mad at you, not when you look like a puffy, cute, jiggly-puff! I just want to squeeze you, and love you forever and forever. Haha, I remember also when I first came to your house and hid away with my mom like some feral child. But your mom was like "give them a few minutes and they'd be OK." Well guess what, few minutes later we were on the ground, squealing and crawling, pretending we were Pokemon, remember!

And I love the way you dance, those awesome arm movements, and wiggle body things, and the whole worm like thing. At my graduation party, July 16-ish, you better dance or I'm personally going to escort you out.

I admit, we have had our bad tim- oh wait! Remember that one time I thought I could beat you in karate and I threw a hesitant punch and suddenly you grabbed my arm and threw me to the ground and break into your dramatic giggle/evil laugh laughter, yes, I remember that, oh the pain!

Now, back to what I was saying, we've had our good times and our best, and I know you think I'm bossy and mean but get over it. (j/k) And I want to thank you for seeing through my countless flaws, and accepting me for who I am. And thank you for ditching me countless times when I come over your house to go to the park and you force me to follow you like a beaten puppy.

But thank you again. I hope this post will do me some justice for taking so long on your own blog. Forgive me, (/bows to you & then...pounces!)

I love you Muska.

My a n g e l

She's different, I'll give her that. I swear she seems un-compatible with me. I swear, me and her are so different. I dance moving my hips and shaking about, she dances with her kick-ass robot moves that I try over and over again to master. I don't know how she does it. Aside from that, she is kind and believes in justice! Who the fuck believes in justice anymore! It doesn't exist. I can't even count how many times me and this cute little bug have gotten into a fight about justice. She believes kids come first because they are young and hopeless. I believe they should just shut up and wait because they are nothing but kids. Our thoughts and views are completely different. I swear there isn't a thing we can agree on. This girl, this friend, this sister - she has guts. Well she wouldn't call it guts, she calls it plain truth. She isn't afraid to go to anyone, not even an amazing friend like myself and tell me, "Neelab shut up, you are so bossy." She leaves me speechless countless times. We meet long ago, so long ago I can't remember (because I hardly remember what I did the week before) but I know we meet forever ago. We used to love Pokemon, so there goes one thing we can agree on. And oh my god, when Yu-Gi-Oh was the thing, me and her would duel it out and try to win.

And then, there is this one special thing about here, she's so innocent and cute! Always in baggy shirts, and stuff. I love messing with her, but no I'm not trying to make you uncomfortable. If you are reading this Mina I'm sorry for making you so uncomfortable. I'm just trying to show you my love and nothing more, I promise! Haha, anyways love. I love you.

As much as I hate your 'justice lectures' I love your guidance lectures. I love the way you try to teach me the right way or inform me of what was wrong and right. When my life was tumbling down, you were there to hug me. When I lost myself, you were there to slap me back into reality. I can't express how important you are to me.

-Thank you for being there for me, even though I scare you (hurts me to know you won't dorm with me.)

Gone to h e l l & back

Life, it has its unexpected turns and detours. There is no such things as genies, or a fountain of youth. None of those things exist. It's just tears, blood, and laughter. You want your wish or your dream to come true, then you fight for it. You want to be young forever, then live everyday as if it were your last. You cannot linger onto the past, I've learned that. Reality doesn't wait for you. Once your trip, you're left behind. And if you're left behind, it isn't over. Just stand up and run, run real fast, and hope that you can catch onto what has left you. I'm honest and I'm speaking from the heart. No lie.

I've learned on my own that I can't be so full of doubts. Since middle school, I've been through shit. And when someone asks me if I've regretted what I've done or what has happened to me, I stand up proudly and say, "no." It's made me who I am. Without my past, I wouldn't be the Neelab who is writing this right now. Not even close. I have my weak points, I wont lie.

But I also have my strong points, the points that are always seen. Now with those two, I have this wall. It's a large wall, bigger then the wall of China. I'm closed in behind the stones, but I don't mind them. They are there to protect me, and I like feeling protected. You can try to hammer this wall down, you wont be able to do it. You can try climbing the wall, but you wont reach it. Only a few people have, when tons of others have been blocked out. Everyone can say they know me, but only a handful, if even that, can say they know the real me.

Who is the real me? that's the me you need to find. It isn't my job to expose myself to whoever wants to get inside. If someone really wanted to know me, then they'd make it a priority to climb over that wall. The task itself isn't impossible. It is whether or not you'd want to do it. I know many people have walls, I believe everyone does. How high the wall is - that depends on the person and their past. For it is your past who makes you who you are.

Live your life & have no regrets.

My better h a l f

If I wasn't attracted to the male gender, I swear I'd be in love already. I have this friend, a friend I can tell anything and everything to. A friend who knows my deepest and dirtiest secret, and I wont lie about that. I have a friend who I fight with, a friend I cry to, and a friend I lie to. But whatever happens, we are still friends. We have each other's back, or at least I hope she has mine. Though I admit, she's a small little thing. If I was to fall, I wonder if she could catch me. But size isn't everything, at least when it comes to height. Because this one girl has a big heart. It's so big, she accepts me no matter who I may be. She knows the real me, the me that will be in the future, the me in the past, and the current me. She knows when I cry, she's seen me at my worst, she's seen me laugh, she's seen me at my best. I love her with all my heart, and I'm fucking serious when I say she'd be mine if I weren't straight.

But I'm sorry Sana Ali, I'm sorry for not letting this relationship be anything more, but I promise to love you all the same. You make me warm and fuzzy inside, (not in a perverted way!) You're always there to listen to me and you answer your texts quickly, and you pick up your calls, and you listen when I scream and rant, and in the end you're still on the other line. We may live a billion miles away from one another, but! that doesn't stop us.

Two more years from now, at U of H, we are getting a dorm together and nobody can stop us!

Morning S u n s h i n e

So, this morning - June 23 (only 3 more days until I'm legal), I was sleeping like usual in my big comfy bed. I was enjoying my rest and I thought nothing could ruin it, or make it better in that matter. But then about 5 am-ish, my little brother comes to my side and tugs on my blanket with his big droopy eyes and mutters, "Neelab can I sleep with you. I had a nightmare, zombies were chasing me." Too tired to really give a damn, I moan and turn over, giving him room. He climbs in after me and curls up behind me, placing his hands under my shirt and hiding away against him. It wasn't until 7 that he finally latched off and slept on the bed. At this time, I turned and found myself smelling something along the lines of rotten flesh. Grossed out, he open my eyes, ready to throw off whatever was emitting the smell, only to come face to face with my little brother's wide open mouth. What a great way to wake up, wouldn't you say?

Determined on getting revenge, I get out of bed and find a little fluffy thing. With a video camera in my hand, I begin to mess with his nose until he began to fidget and wake up.

First thing he asked me was, "is Jasper inside?"

P.S. Jasper is out cat.